Week 51

Dear family and friends,

well it was another rough and tough week on the mission...but that's okay, i have to remember that we can grow spiritually when we are in the dark, its just a little harder to see it. this week i found some answers, well, maybe not answers, but insight in the scriptures this week that i want to share. so at a couple points on the mission and in life and i will honestly admit that even lately that...ive had enough. like wow. over a year. ive been wearing a skirt everyday for over a year. ive been doing this all for over a year. im done. i just want to admit defeat and get the heck out of here. i know we've all felt that way in life too....i know at times ive caught myself thinking, "wow, i am wayyy to active in the church and nothing good is happening to me...i need a break, i need a vacation. im just going to fall victim to all the winds and storms of the world, hide under a rock, and then one day ill come back out, ready to face it again, i just need a break." well, on the mission, we don't really get vacations....so how on earth am i supposed to cope with these feelings that i just want to admit defeat and give up...it'd be so much easier that way than trying to move forward. well....lets all open up our book of Mormons to Mosiah 21 vs 13...like yeah, thats exactly where i am, ive been humbled by all my trials and struggles to the yoke of bondage to a point where i am surrendering myself and those exposing myself to further pain, winds, and the 'desires of my enemies' (the devil and his oh so pressing depressing thoughts)...kind of like a prisoner of war who has just given up their last thought of hope. i just hang my head down and admit defeat to Satan. BUT THEN, lets read one verse further. vs 14...what kind of humility comes after you've been driven to the dust of the earth? oh, a humility that drives you down even further, even to the dust of humility, but this time, you realize you've hit rock bottom, and we turn to our God for help. ALL the DAY LONG they did cry to their God that he would deliver them. 

so what did i realize from these verses....that admitting defeat, saying 'im just so tired, i need a vacation! i need a break from all this spiritual stuff!"....saying that and admitting defeat is the easy way out. definitely easy, drop everything and just leave, back out of a calling, a commitment, another service project. i know a lot of people will disagree with me, but, saying 'no' is easy. well, maybe not easy, but its the easy way out. what should happen, i what i need to do and have started to do is relying on god more. relying on my savior more. asking for help ALL the DAY LONG as I CONTINUE in the calling for which i am set apart. ive realized that i don't want to take the easy way out, and i have found how i am going to make it through (the mission, school, life) taking the hard way...actually staying active and relying more on my heavenly father who i am communicating with each day, He knows my struggles because i am honest and i tell him about them, and i am looking now more intently for the ways he blesses me each day. i know he can....he may be a little slow to do it if we're not to worthy right away, as we learn if we in this chapter a little further, but, he will help. 

 

Saturday our zone had a conference call with president....straight and to the point- "loosen up all you depressed missionaries!! and start working toward the beautiful goal that one day there will be a stake in Odessa!! the people you are meeting with now are potentially the future stake auxiliary or priesthood leaders of Odessa! remember your calling and keep finding people to teach!" okay president. no, it is actually really cool to be serving in an area where there is such a goal. can you imagine our stake in Vegas saying that? come on missionaries! we want to divide the warm springs stake into two stakes by simple missionary work! i mean, there's no reason to not have a goal like that in Vegas, but...im just saying that it is cool to be working toward it. and something president promised is that that day will come. one day we will be home probably, studying somewhere, or with little kids running around, and we'll hear from a friend or from a face book update that they have organized a stake in Odessa. and he promised that we can feel proud that we helped build that. im so grateful to be serving in this mission specifically. its hard work, but wow, what a blessing.

 

by way of information/update.

do remember Lera who we contacted and prayed with on kreshatik in center Kiev? she got baptized and received the holy ghost last week. pretty cool. so, i am 'doing work' ...just not in my own area.

 

also, this week i'll be in Bulgaria to get my new visa. i only have a one year visa, so i have to go the nearest/most convenient American embassy in a different country to renew it. so i'll take a train tonight to Kiev, fly out to Bulgaria tomorrow and fly back to Kiev on Thurs or Fri, then train back to Odessa Fri night. what a week....wasn't i just talking about how i need a vacation?...just kidding. i know Bulgaria trips if anything through off missionaries' groove more than help it. but we'll see.

 

love you all lots, thank you for all you do for each other and to build up the kingdom of God and dont forget to build up yourselves!

sister little